My Changed Perspective on Coffee, by Stephanie Gray

     I once was a coffee snob.  The key word is was.  It all began in Costa Rica.  I traveled there in 2011 to give several talks, and was introduced to the wonderful world of coffee (before then, I had been only a Tea Granny, and that I still am).  You can’t go to one of the best coffee growers in the world and not begin to enjoy the luxurious liquid that is coffee.

     I returned to enjoy fine coffee shops, including Vancouver’s wonderful 49th Parallel.  I was that person who, when going to a restaurant, would order coffee and ask, “How fresh is the coffee?” and the waitress would usually say, “I’ll put on a new pot for you.”  And I would be quite satisfied at the fresh cup of java coming my way.  But last fall, everything changed. 

     I went on a 40 day experience in the wilderness at Madonna House (which I’ve written about previously here).  Suddenly, daily coffee was no longer a reality—it was relegated to special occasions, namely Sunday.  Their founder Catherine Doherty, a Russian baroness, had instituted “tea time” at several periods throughout the day, and as much as I love tea too, something happens when you’re deprived of something you like: you seem to want it even more.  I would drink the tea but think, “I wish I could have coffee.”

     And then Sunday came.  Madonna House lives a spirit of poverty so although there would be no “whole milk latte” or fancy, freshly ground coffee beans, Sunday was the day where there was, at least, plain ‘ol coffee.  Having been deprived of it for several days, I can’t begin to tell you how good it was. 

     Then, imagine my surprise one Monday when coffee was in a canister at my table.  I eagerly poured a cup and savored my first sip: “Wow, this is really good; it tastes even better than yesterday’s coffee,” I said.  One of the members then said to me, “It is yesterday’s coffee; it was leftover so we reheated it.”  The coffee connoisseurs out there might cringe but I have lived to tell the tale and can testify that it tasted even better after 24 hours.

     Then there was the day I was assigned to work on the farm.  The community had just slaughtered 4 cows and over 30 sheep, and I was one of the people tasked with cutting up the meat.  Since our job was more challenging, I was pleasantly surprised to learn that when we took a break for tea time, those of us cutting up the meat got a special treat: Coffee!  But it was instant coffee.  Well, no joke: It. Was. Delicious.

     Through all this, I enjoyed coffee more.  Why?  Because I appreciated it more.  Why?  Because it wasn’t accessible every day, so it became “special” and thus notable.  Unfortunately this experience is uncommon in the western world.  We have such excess that we are rarely, if ever, deprived.  Whatever our mood, craving, or desire, we can generally satisfy it.  It’s not that to do so is necessarily bad, it’s just that when we don’t temper our consumption of things, we can find ourselves losing the ability to see the special and to grow in discipline.

     As I have reflected on our culture of late, what has struck me is how, if we are to be a better society, we need to get back to basics like growing in virtues such as temperance and prudence.  A virtuous society must pursue the good, but what is good is often not easy.  Being ethical in law, in politics, in medicine, or in any field for that matter, requires sometimes going against what we want or against what is easy, because it is what is right.  We are more likely to do this if we exercise our willpower.  Just as someone who is physically strong must work out, must start with lighter weights and increase the heaviness, so too, if we want the moral discipline to do the right thing even when it’s hard, do we need to “exercise” our non-physical will and look for little ways to consistently practice going against impulses.  This is where depriving ourselves of something we desire, such as coffee, exercises those “muscles” so we’re stronger when it really matters.  It’s not that consuming coffee or something we crave is necessarily bad (nor is it wrong to enjoy a “finer” product—I still enjoy a luxury coffee now and then), it’s simply that when we practice saying no at times, it helps us in future situations where we really should say no.  It also helps us appreciate what we do get, when we get it.

     Author and speaker Matthew Kelly has written about this when he says,

     “Learning to delay gratification is one of life’s essential lessons…You cannot have a successful marriage, be a great parent, maintain good health, establish financial stability, or become educated unless you are willing to delay gratification.  The best at anything are better than everyone else at delaying gratification--and that includes the great Christian heroes, champions, and saints who fill the history books” (Source: Rediscover Jesus).

     That’s why, every morning, I pull a piece of paper out of what I call my “Sacrifice Box.”  On the papers is written the three things I ideally like to consume daily: Coffee, tea, and a little sweet (90% dark chocolate and gummies are my favorites).  Each morning I choose to deprive myself of one of them.  I put my hand in the box and close my eyes and ask God to help me pick out the item that will be most pleasing to Him, that will help me grow in holiness.  Then, whichever paper I grab is the object I deprive myself of that day.  When it’s free coffee day at McDonald’s, that’s usually when the coffee sacrifice is picked out.   And the day that’s set aside to go to a tea room with friends is typically when the tea sacrifice is selected.  The deprivation pinches, but it also builds self-control and helps us make decisions based on will power, not feeling. 

     “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” –Galatians 5:22-23

Killing "Things," by Stephanie Gray

“Love people.  Use things.”  It’s a slogan that’s made its way around the internet, from The Minimalists to countless different memes.  It’s a timely message for our 21st century culture which is so addicted to amassing, and then eliminating, objects that it turns subjects into them too.  And that came to mind when I read two different, yet connected, articles yesterday.  One was from the BBC, about UK scientists being given a green light to genetically modify human embryos.  The story reported,

“Dr David King, the director of Human Genetics Alert, said: ‘This research will allow the scientists to refine the techniques for creating GM [Genetically Modified] babies, and many of the government's scientific advisers have already decided that they are in favour of allowing that. So this is the first step in a well mapped-out process leading to GM babies, and a future of consumer eugenics.’”

So what’s going on here is much like buying a car: You decide what features you do, and do not, want; then, the manufacturer will build the model to your specifications.  The problem here is people aren’t cars.  Cars are things.  We use things.  We shouldn’t use people—at least, that’s what slavery, child labor, and human trafficking are supposed to teach us.

But that memo got lost on the UK’s fertility regulator.  The article further reports, “The researchers will alter… genes in donated embryos, which will be destroyed after seven days.”

One person has no right to “donate” another person; a person can only donate that which they own, which would be an object, a thing.  Since human embryos are unrepeatable and irreplaceable souls, it is barbaric to claim ownership of them and then destroy, i.e., kill, them.  A country like England with its horrible history of slavery should really know better.

But with that sentiment unfortunately pervading much of modern-day society, it shouldn’t be surprising what the National Post reported yesterday. A Canadian woman and her husband had been trying for four months to get pregnant; they finally did, but now are worried their “object” is damaged: A recent trip to Brazil has them fearful the pregnant mom may have contracted the Zika virus and they are concerned about the subsequent possibility that their pre-born child could have a small head.  The reality of having a child with microcephaly is not on the table, as they are “completely unwilling to take the chance,” says the mom, who, along with her husband, is considering abortion on their possibly-less-than-perfect “object.”

It’s like they’d been waiting for months for a new mattress, but when it arrived they weren’t sure it would give them the comfortable sleep they desired, so they consider sending the object back to the manufacturer until they can find something better that satisfies (although mattress purchasers are more civil than this couple who, to keep the analogy analogous, would be like someone cutting up an undesirable mattress rather than have it be used by anyone else).  The point is this: people aren’t mattresses.  We are to use things and love people, not love things and use people.  When we get that mixed up, we get dehumanizing results.

I’ve always been intrigued by the language used by the aviation industry when reporting on plane crashes.  They speak about “the number of souls on board” (and they always focus on the loss of life, not the loss of baggage).  It seems the world of reproductive science could learn a thing or two from the world of aviation.  Not only should we prioritize people over things, but we should acknowledge that people, unlike things, have a soul, which demands reverence and respect.

A Father's Love

This is a must-watch video about the meaning of love.  As Daniel Vander Woude says in it, "We've come to understand Christ's sacrifice even moreso because of Dad's sacrifice for Joseph." 

The Family Project® | http://thefamilyproject.com Reverend Thomas Vander Woude shares the powerful story of sacrificial love shown by his father, who gave his life to save his son with Down Syndrome, and the profound impact this had on their family. This clip is excerpted from session 5 of The Family Project®, "The Man Has Now Become Like One of Us."

Why Should Christians Care? by Stephanie Gray

    Last Sunday I spoke at an Alliance church and the pastor asked me to explain to his congregation why Christians could be concerned about abortion.  Although there are many passages in the Scriptures I could have highlighted to make the Biblical case against abortion, I chose one: Luke 1. 

     Those who reflect on Luke 1 as it relates to the pro-life message, often point to John the Baptist, the late-term fetus, “the babe [who] leaped in [Elizabeth’s] womb” (Luke 1:41).  But the animation of John the Baptist is not what I was focused on.  Instead, I was focused on why John the Baptist leaped for joy.  We read that Mary “entered the house of Zechariah and greeted Elizabeth” (Luke 1:40).  John the Baptist leaped “when Elizabeth heard the greeting of Mary” (Luke 1:41).  To understand why the pre-born prophet did this we need to rewind.

     Mary had recently had a visitor of her own: “the angel Gabriel [who] was sent from God” (Luke 1:26).  This messenger came not only to state “you have found favor with God” (Luke 1:30) but that “you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus” (Luke 1:31).  Mary then gave God her yes: “let it be to me according to your word” (Luke 1:38).  And so Mary was forever changed.  The presence of one became the presence of two.  She who was made in the image of God suddenly carried God.  She was transformed into a walking tabernacle, a dwelling place for God made man, so that when she greeted Elizabeth, Mary was not alone. 

     In the days long before cell phones, texting, Facebook and Twitter, no social media delivered a message to Elizabeth about what had happened.  But upon the presence of the Holy Presence, she and John the Baptist knew.  They sensed the presence of God made man in the early embryo.  John the Baptist did what he could do—he leaped.  Elizabeth did what she could do—she exclaimed, “Blessed is the fruit of your womb!” (Luke 1:43).  And Mary responded, “My soul magnifies the Lord" (Luke 1:46).

     All three were focused on the youngest in their midst.   Divinity had taken on humanity.  In the silence and the darkness of the womb, new life had begun, the life of Christ. 

     God, who is all-powerful, demonstrates His supremacy throughout the Scriptures.  He turned a rod into a serpent and back; He made Moses’ hand leprous and then restored it (Exodus 4:2-7).  He “formed man of dust from the ground” (Genesis 2:7).  God could have chosen any number of ways to become human, but the way He chose was to take on the form of the youngest among us, the human embryo.  That was your beginning; it was my beginning; and it was also God's beginning as man.  Since abortion destroys this new life, which God Himself once was, that is why Christians should be concerned about abortion.

Civilization's Helpless Members

Image Source: Peter Hagyo-Kovacs from https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Arab_market-1.JPG

Author Pearl S. Buck once wrote, "The test of a civilization is the way that it cares for its helpless members."

That came to mind when I re-read a reflection a student shared with me several years ago.  After being equipped to engage the culture on abortion, he participated in a pro-life display at the University of Minnesota.  Of the many students he encountered, I was particularly struck by one in particular, whose story he shared as follows: 

"A 19-year-old freshman Muslim woman recounted a riveting story after I called her over to the barricade so we could discuss her thoughts on abortion.  She told me about how her twin sister had become pregnant unintentionally in the recent past.  While abortion was contrary to Islamic teachings, her parents were more concerned with avoiding the disgrace of an unwed and pregnant daughter.  Therefore, they were forcing her to have an abortion against her will.  However, the woman I talked to described how she had helped her sister escape their parents and live in hiding until she gave birth secretly to save the child.  Thankfully, since the birth of the child, their parents have become supportive of the new baby."

This parental abandonment of a pregnant child is unfortunately not an isolated incident, as I wrote about another such case last year.  But what is so strikingly beautiful about both stories is that the pregnant children didn't make a pattern: They refused to abandon their pre-born children the way their own parents abandoned them.  They took a stand; they passed the test of a civil society by protecting and caring for its helpless members.

And by their courageous example, they challenged their parents to do the same.  That is the power of doing the right thing—it inspires others to follow, even if they are initially slow to respond.  Indeed, as author Matthew Kelly has pointed out,

“Virtue inspires me.  Virtue in other people challenges me.  Virtue raises me up.  Virtue allows me to catch a glimpse of what is possible.  Virtue gives me hope for the future of humanity.”

Three Men and a Coffee Shop, by Stephanie Gray

I didn’t go to a coffee shop today intending to give my Bible away to one patron, debate abortion with another patron, and talk with a third patron about the conversation with the second, but as it should happen, instead of my intended plan of studying Christopher Kaczor’s book The Ethics of Abortion, I found myself engaging three strangers.

It’s funny how life unfolds.  The first man, Phil, placed the coffee shop’s newspaper in front of himself at the long table I too was sitting at.  When he turned around to get his coffee, another patron grabbed the unmanned newspaper so that when Phil returned, “the case of the missing paper” became an opening for small talk.  Phil was on a break and the chatty type.  I decided that I shouldn’t be so attached to my plans that I couldn’t be flexible and spare a few moments to speak with a stranger.

“Day off?” he asked me.

“No,” I said.  “I work from home when I’m not travelling and decided to make my office a coffee shop today.  You?”

“I’m on a break from where I work at the hospital.  What work do you do?” he asked.

“Public speaking,” I said.

Public speaker isn’t the most common job around, and he was intrigued how it could be my job and what audiences I spoke to.  When I mentioned speaking at churches he said, “So, you go to church then?”

“Yes,” I said and asked back, “Do you?”

He didn’t.   So I took on the persona of Socrates and began asking questions about this, learning that although he had been sent by his parents to Sunday school as a child, that didn’t last long.  For a brief period he sent his own children to a preschool that had Christian foundations and was struck when he told his daughter, “Goodnight; I love you” to hear her respond, “And Jesus loves you, Daddy.”  But he didn’t identify as a Christian or a church-goer.  He simply believed in God in the abstract sense, and in trying to be good.  I asked him if he ever read up on different religions and explored the reasons behind the claims made; that, for example, there’s good evidence for Jesus being the God He claimed to be, and not merely a “nice guy” who roamed the earth.  We talked for about 10 minutes and by the time his work break wrapped up and he had to leave, I remembered my red, palm-sized New Testament, Psalms, & Proverbs Bible in my laptop bag.  The Holy Spirit nudged me and I said to Phil, “Hey, um, I have a Bible with me, why don’t you take it.” 

He smiled, received it, and said, “Now I have something to read tonight.”

“Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.”-Psalm 119:105

With that, he left.  No sooner had I gotten back into work that another patron, a self-proclaimed “Hippie,” saw my spread of a book, highlighter, pen, and notepad and said, “Are you a student?”

“No,” I said.

“You look like one, with the highlighter,” John responded.

“Well,” I said, “I’m like a teacher you could say.  I give talks and I’m preparing for a presentation.”

“What do you speak on?” he asked.

“Abortion,” I said, purposefully leaving out my position in order to let him ask.  And he did.

“Do you speak in favor of it or against?”

“Against,” I said, which was taken as an invitation for him to go on a loud diatribe against pro-life.

We debated for about 10 minutes, with him making the usual arguments in favor of abortion: “I believe in a woman’s right to control her body,” he said.  “One thing I’ve learned,” he declared, “is you don’t tell a woman what to do.”

So I asked, “Would you tell a woman what to do after birth?”

“What do you mean?” he said to my intentionally vague question designed to get the wheels turning in his mind, to get him to think and process his rhetoric.

“Well,” I explained, “If a woman wanted to kill her child after birth, such as drowning her child in the bathtub like we’ve heard on the news, would you say you can’t tell a woman what to do then?”

“That’s different,” he boomed to what seemed to be the whole café.  Although he started the conversation, he showed no interest in a rational, two-sided exchange.  So I mostly asked questions to be faced with him cutting me off.

When he justified his position on the grounds that the “law says so,” I asked, “Didn’t the law once say that I as a woman couldn’t vote?”   

“Yeah,” he said.  So I responded, “Isn’t that proof the law can be wrong?”  Boom, he went off on another tangent.

And when he spoke of his son and daughter being the most important people to him, I asked him, “Since they are so important to you, when did their lives begin?  Wasn’t it their bodies in their mom’s body?  So if they’re important to you now, wouldn’t they be important to you before birth?”  Off on another tangent he went.

“We get wise by asking questions, and even if these are not answered, we get wise, for a well-packed question carries its answer on its back as a snail carries its shell.” -James Stephens

As it should happen, out of the corner of my eye another patron, down at the end of the table, was listening in.  When John and I exchanged names, shook hands, and John left, this third man, Kevin, said,

"I just have to say you were remarkably patient with that man.”  Kevin had listened with much fascination to our whole exchange.  He was tempted to jump in and point out in the third trimester the baby has brain activity, which gave me an opportunity to enlighten this kinder, more “open” man, that at six weeks, in the first trimester, brain waves have been detected in the pre-born child.  “Thanks for telling me that,” Kevin said, “I did not know that.”

“Your big opportunity may be right where you are now.” -Napoleon Hill

So wherever you are, and whatever comes up, my experience today has taught me to welcome interruptions, for you never know what opportunities lie in wait to share truth, goodness, justice, virtue, and Christ.

The Christmas Story Teaches Us to Celebrate New Life, by Stephanie Gray

In a recent conversation with a friend of mine who is an accountant, she lamented how this time of year is her busiest season.  In contrast, my job of being a pro-life educator means year end is my slow season: people generally don’t want to hear about a negative topic like abortion during the positive season of Christmas.  And yet, the topic of abortion and the story of Christmas have their connection.

The Christmas story involves a young, unmarried girl faced with an unplanned pregnancy.  She wonders “How can this be?”  (Luke 1:34)  Her not-yet-husband considers putting “her away secretly” (Matthew 1:19).

How many in our culture find themselves in a similar situation of an unexpected pregnancy?  How many find themselves bewildered?  But not all choose to respond as Joseph and Mary did; some choose abortion.  Which brings to mind the power of choice, which Holocaust-survivor Viktor Frankl once spoke about as follows: “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

Our Heavenly Father, Mary and Joseph teach us to choose well when we “choose one’s attitude…choose one’s own way” in the set of circumstances we find ourselves in: 

God reminds us to choose the right attitude: Even in crisis and the unknown, we are to, as His messenger declared, “not be afraid” (Matthew 1:20, Luke 1:30).

Mary reminds us to choose to trustingly surrender to our Creator who is much wiser than His creatures: “Let it be to me according to your word” (Luke 1:38).

Joseph reminds us to choose to protect the vulnerable: “‘Joseph, son of David, do not fear to take Mary your wife, for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Spirit; she will bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins’ ...When Joseph woke from sleep, he did as the angel of the Lord commanded him” (Matthew 1:21, 24).

And because of these choices, we have the conception and birth of the Christ child to celebrate.  And what a celebration it is: the Scriptures show through at least seven people/gatherings that an encounter with “the little Lord Jesus” is cause for praise:

Mary: “My soul magnifies the Lord, and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he has regarded the low estate of his handmaiden.  For behold, henceforth all generations will call me blessed; for he who is mighty has done great things for me, and holy is his name” (Luke 1:47-49).

Pre-born John the Baptist: “…the babe leapt in her womb…” (Luke 1:41)

Elizabeth: “…Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit and she exclaimed with a loud cry, ‘Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb! And why is this granted me, that the mother of my Lord should come to me?’” (Luke 1:41-43).

An angel and the Heavenly host: “‘Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace among men with whom he is pleased!’” (Luke 2:13-14)

Shepherds: “…the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all they had heard and seen” (Luke 2:20).

Simeon: “…when the parents brought in the child Jesus, to do for him according to the custom of the law, he took him up in his arms and blessed God” (Luke 2:27-28).

Anna: “…coming up at that very hour she gave thanks to God, and spoke of him to all who were looking for the redemption of Jerusalem” (Luke 2:38).

The Christmas story teaches us to celebrate new life.  Although a pregnant woman today does not nurture Christ in her womb like Mary did, each pregnant woman does nurture an unrepeatable and irreplaceable soul stamped with the image of the Almighty.  Regardless of the circumstances, the presence of God’s creation, which is “very good” (Genesis 1:31), should prompt us to choose as Mary and Joseph did: choose the right attitude, choose to trustingly surrender to God, and choose to protect the vulnerable.  

This was originally posted at the Dynamic Women of Faith blog.

Miracle Channel Interview

On December 14, 2015, Paul Arthur, host of the Miracle Channel's Insight, interviewed Stephanie about her ministry and her new book Love Unleashes Life: Abortion and the Art of Communicating Truth.  

You can watch the full interview online here.

Pre-Orders of Stephanie's book "Love Unleashes Life" are Now Available

Life Cycle Books is now taking pre-orders for Stephanie Gray's book, Love Unleashes Life: Abortion and the Art of Communicating Truth.  The book will ship late January 2016.

Canadians can order online here.

Americans can order online here.

If you are ordering outside of North America, you can submit your order via e-mail to orders@lifecyclebooks.com.

So Your Child Has Down Syndrome, by Stephanie Gray

A couple years ago, a friend of mine contacted me about someone he knew who was considering abortion because their pre-born child was diagnosed with Down Syndrome.  He consulted me about what to say to his friend (who was related to the expectant couple) to try to change their minds.  Recently, another friend of mine contacted me about a friend of hers in a similar situation.  What are pro-life people to do and say in these situations?  Here was my advice:

Further to our text exchange, I am praying for your friends as they face this unexpected and difficult situation of knowing their pre-born child has Down Syndrome.  Indeed you are correct that we must pray, for it is God’s wisdom that we must rely on here, not our own.  It’s important to remember that our prayers should naturally flow to action, for just as a canoe will go in circles if only one oar is used on one side, but it will glide forward with an oar on each side, so too must prayer guide action, and action flow from prayer.

As I reflect on your friendship with your friend who is the brother of the pregnant woman, I am reminded of Esther in the Bible.  As you well know, she was placed where she was “for such a time as this.”  Her uncle could not make the appeal to the King, but Esther could.  She prayed and fasted in preparation for the verbal appeal she was to make to the king.

Since I am more removed from this situation than you, I will do my best to equip you with perspectives and insights to help you make an appeal to your friend, an appeal asking him to make a similar appeal to his sister.  I’m certainly happy to chat further to this e-mail, so let me know.

As I mentioned in our text, time is on the side of life.  It is important that she not be rushed into a decision, which is something proponents of abortion in this case may do.  There is no need to rush, and rushing only leads to making decisions based on emotion and fear, thus leading to choices that can then lead to heartache and regret.

Empathy

So, how can you help your friend help his sister?  Start with the prayer of St. Francis: “O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be understood as to understand.”  Your friend’s sister is devastated. Empathy is so important here.  Seeking to understand her and her concerns and fears is very important.  Those who have not faced a poor prenatal diagnosis can’t know what it’s like, so while it isn’t accurate to say “I know what you’re going through,” when we don’t, it is accurate to say, “I can’t even imagine how difficult this must be for you.” 

From what you’ve told me, it sounds like this couple joyfully embraced the news of their pre-born child so many weeks ago.  That news heralded the news of their other child being an older sibling.  It filled them all with joy and anticipation—new life meant new adventures for this little, growing family.  One plus one equaled three, and now one plus one equals four—their love is multiplying in ways that defy math.  And all that seemed dashed with news that their beloved, youngest child is disabled and sick.  It is very possible that a negative and depressing picture of the future has now been painted for them.  Discouragement, disappointment, and despair are very real emotions they may be experiencing.  Let them express that.  Then, it’s important for you, and your friend, to be a voice of hope, seeing a future they may not be able to see yet.  It’s your job to paint for them how life is beautiful (not easy—but beautiful), even when life brings with it suffering.  More on that in a bit.

Questions

Asking questions is important.  This woman and her husband need to be heard, and they need to feel heard.  It’s hard to find the right help when the problem isn’t clearly identified.  So what, specifically, do they fear most?  That their child will suffer?  That they themselves will?  Financial costs?  No support?  What does she fear?  Only when fears are verbalized can we seek to alleviate them.

Support

Often in these situations, people can feel very lonely.  Over 90% of children who have Down Syndrome are killed by abortion, so there doesn’t seem to be many people around who have what their child has.  And yet, 10% do make it out alive, and often the families of these children are beautiful witnesses to the gift of life, even—and especially—a life that is less than “perfect.”  I have a friend, Leticia, who has a daughter who has Down Syndrome; in fact, I just visited her in Connecticut.  She is interested in speaking with your friend’s sister.  She can address concerns they have, such as finances or suffering, as these are real situations she herself has lived.  Further, she has written a book on embracing children with special needs, and I can give that to you for your friends as well.

I can also connect this couple with a pro-life doctor in their area if they are open to that, so please let me know.  A pro-life doctor would have a more hopeful picture of the future, and provide life-affirming ways to help this family.

Further, I certainly am more than willing to meet with them, or the brother or parents if they are open to it.  When I went to Romania I looked after a little boy, Cristi-Daniel, who has Down Syndrome.  His little life, accomplishments, and joy were a gift to me and I’d be happy to share my experience.  I am back on Tuesday so please let me know if anyone in the family is open to meeting.  You mentioned the grandparents are practicing Catholics.  Perhaps they’d be willing to get together with me to pray and discuss things?  I think they’d appreciate what my friend Leticia received in prayer when holding in her arms her child with Down Syndrome; she thought about Jesus' mom mothering Him, and reflected on her own mothering of her daughter, and meditated on the commonalities between Jesus and children with special needs; she writes,

 “Mary bore a Child like no other; A child who did not conform to society's expectations; He was different from the others; He gazed upon Heaven when the rest could only see clouds. He reminded them of their failings, their lack of charity, their shallowness, their impatience, and their rush to judgment. His government tried to kill Him, and eventually succeeded. He had to endure constant misunderstanding of what He was trying to communicate, and bore the frustration of those who misunderstood Him. He was mocked and rejected, and at times, it seemed only His mother still stood by Him. She felt the loneliness of seeing her Son rejected because He was different, yet she bore the pain patiently because she knew that it was for us, the ‘least of these’ that He suffered and died.”

Perspective

You mentioned that their pre-born child has heart problems.  And in the face of this (a common ailment for those with Down Syndrome) they are thinking of ending that child’s life. A good question for them to consider is what would they do if their born child was diagnosed with a heart condition?  Why treat this younger child any differently?

Related to that, another good question to put things into perspective is to consider what we do when those we love are not well—do we eliminate the sufferer or alleviate the suffering?  Hospitals and the medical community exist to fulfill the latter.  This little child’s difficulties can be alleviated without the child being eliminated.  And there are people who will rally around this family and help ensure the latter; I know the people and I guarantee we will help.

I’m not sure if the child’s heart condition is so severe that the doctors are saying she or he will not live long after birth, but if that is the case, a good question to consider is this: When we love someone, and don’t have much time left with that person, do we maximize or minimize the short time we have left?  Imagine someone you love was told they had only 4 weeks left to live—would you wait until the end of the 3rd week to visit, or go right away?  So it is if their child will have a shorter life—if they don’t have as much time with the child, why cut that limited time short with abortion?  If they would embrace every month, week, day, minute, and second with a loved one who is born and given a poor diagnosis, why not embrace every moment with this child who is pre-born and given a poor diagnosis?

Often people fear that because of the grief they will experience when the child naturally dies.  And that grief is very real.  A good question to consider though, is whether they’d experience grief at abortion.  You mentioned they wanted this child so that means if they have an abortion they will assumedly experience the sadness of losing the child.  There is, however, an important difference between these two kinds of grief—with an abortion they will grieve the death of a child they killed; if the child dies after birth due to illness/disability, they will grieve the death of a child who died naturally.

I have been very moved by this video called “Choosing Thomas.”  I cannot recommend this enough.  It is a beautiful story (under 10 minutes) of a couple who were given a poor prenatal diagnosis (their child had Trisomy 13) and they were offered an abortion.  They opted against it and embraced every moment of Thomas’ short life, from his last months in-utero to his 5 days after birth. One of the compelling quotes in the documentary is this: “The only thing Thomas will ever know in this world is love.”  How beautiful, and how true.  But tragically the same cannot be said for a child aborted—for the only thing those children will know in this world is rejection, abandonment, and killing.  Thomas’ mother also says,

“I’m afraid to say goodbye.  But I can’t imagine what it would have been like to not have had this opportunity to go through this with him and to get to know him and to love him.  It really has been amazing as opposed to just shoving it down and forgetting about it and pretending that his life didn’t happen and that it didn’t matter.”

Finally, perhaps most poignant, is what his mother says at the end: “We knew it would be a hard road but I think sometimes when you make the toughest decisions you can get the greatest joy out of those.  We didn’t not terminate because we were hanging on to some sort of hope there was a medical mistake or there was going to be some sort of medical miracle.  We didn’t terminate because he’s our son.”

Suffering

And so that brings me to another point I wanted to address, which is suffering.  We humans naturally recoil at suffering, for it is painful and hard.  And yet, suffering is a part of life.  Nick Vujicic, a motivational speaker, suffered greatly in his early life, having been born without arms and legs.  In the face of suffering he thought about killing (in this case, himself) and then realized that his suffering put him in a unique position to reach out to the world, to offer a message of hope and inspiration to people in a way someone with arms and legs could not.  The same can be said for other ailments, whether genetic disabilities or sickness—while painful, these can be opportunities to love and be loved in beautifully unique ways.  If we think about inspiring people, what sets them apart from those who do not inspire is not that they face suffering (the uninspiring person faces suffering too) but rather how they respond to their suffering (the inspiring person doesn’t give up on life, but does the right thing even when it’s hard).  These stories feature this point:

Dad and Daughter with Down Syndrome

Nick Vujicic’s Story: Part 1 & Part 2

https://positiveexposure.org/

Iamviable

Finally, it’s important to point out that not only does abortion deprive someone of the opportunity to live the life they were conceived to live, but it directly destroys the body of a precious baby who cannot defend herself. Now, more than ever, this little one needs her parents to be her advocate, not her destroyer.